im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
