Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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