He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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