people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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