i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
