if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
