Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
