i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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