It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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