Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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