Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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