"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
she woke up with a sticky ear
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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