You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
