Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
