If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
