You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
