I don't remember. Are we still dating?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
