hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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