you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
