I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
