Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
