What did we do last night that was yellow?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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