I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
