are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
