Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
