you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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