these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
