had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
