I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
