Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
