Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
