he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
