Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
