How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
