kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
