i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Even my vagina gasped.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
