At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
