i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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