You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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