Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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