here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
