SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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