That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
