New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
