I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I could make wine with my vomit
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
