So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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