Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
