im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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