I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
