I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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