And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
