You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
