just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
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