remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
